Saturday, May 21, 2011

The Dynamics of Being Lesbian

The dynamics of our sexual being is complex.

I have heard recent discussions that do not make a lot of sense to me. One big discussion is about women who categorize themselves as "butch" or "femme". The argument seems to be that lesbians should not do that. It is politically incorrect and is just an imitation of a heterosexual relationship. But is this true?

My girlfriend, Jax, looks very butch. Let's face it- she's a dyke. She is very handsome, wears no makeup, wears men's clothes, sports a duck tail- she's pretty masculine looking. I, on the other hand, am quite feminine looking, wear whatever I want, wear makeup daily and am usually assumed to be straight. I don't think anyone would ever assume Jax to be straight judging by her looks.

While Jax looks butch, she behaves in a more feminine way than I do. I am the one that behaves more masculine. Men hate me for it. I do not get along well with men because I do not sugar coat everything that comes out of my mouth, I am very strong and capable and do not need their help, care or advice; and while I look great and feminine- I make it very clear that there is not a snowball's chance in hell that I would EVER sleep with them.

In our home life neither of us dominates the other. There is no "boss". Jax and I do, however, seem to bow to the one who is bringing home the most money, meaning that in an unspoken way- the one who has the highest salary gets priority treatment and is pretty much submitted to. This is not something that we ackonwledge at all. It just is what it is with us.

But we do not in ANY way imitate heterosexuality. We are pretty much out. Completely to family and friends. We also live in a gay community.

The superficial "butch/femme" part of our relationship does not make it into the bedroom. We do not stick with roles, rather, we explore role playing. We are  both tops, so we have had to make a lot of adjustments sexually and explore things that we may have never done had we had the top/bottom dynamic in our relationship. As a result we explore role playing in amazing ways. We both like to pack. THAT gets interesting. We both love penetration. We both love strap on sex. She loves fisting. The receiving end. I do not like receiving a fist, but love to administer. She takes a long time to come. I come pretty fast.

Which brings me to another subject of frequent discussion. The rant that if you like penetration you are not a lesbian.

Both Jax and I love penetration. It's about stimulation, not sexual orientation. I tried to make myself heterosexual. I got married when I was 18, but, I pretty quickly found out that I am not cut out for heterosexuality. I realized that I like sex in a zillion different ways- but I didn't need a man for any of it. I do have a child with my ex-husband, but I have not been with a man since her conception and barring rape- I never will again. Jax has never been with a man, but loves penetration. Penetration is very pleasurable to both of us and saying that we can't be lesbians because we like it is as ignorant as saying that a man who likes anal stimulation is gay. It is simply not true.

It's not as simple as how we style our hair and how we dress. Why take away the fun by trying to impose rules?


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