Showing posts with label lesbian advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lesbian advice. Show all posts

Sunday, September 4, 2011

This wheel is not JUST used to identify child abuse. It is used to identify ABUSE. Period.
If you identify with anything on this wheel then you are aware of abuse of someone on some level.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Torn Between Man and Woman

Questioner:
Category:
Lesbian Erotica
Private:No
Subject:
Torn between man and woman.
Question:I am eighteen years old and bisexual. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year, and I love him more than anything, but I often find myself wanting so badly to be with a girl. I tried having a three-way with our friend a while back, but I didn't enjoy it. Niether of us would want an open relationship, either. I hate missing out on this side of myself. Any advice on how to create a balance between my love for a man and my want for a woman?
Answer:Dear Melissa,

I could use a little more information. Read what I have to say, and if I have not helped you- please write again. I will ask you some specific questions at the end of my answer, and throughout my answer.

BTW- threesomes rarely work out. Usually someone involved is angry, hurt, insecure and jealous or disappointed, and although there may be no immediate negative consequences- out of the many, MANY couples that I know- who have engaged in group sex, only one or two of these couples are still together. Frequently the experience puts some chinks in the foundation of trust that a successful relationship requires. So- be careful about that kind of exploration if you are hoping for a lengthy and committed relationship. TO ANYONE. Did your boyfriend like the threesome? Who did NOT like it? Did it leave you with this bothersome feeling that you wanted to do it again, only this time without the boyfriend?

Sometimes people use threesomes to safely go where they dare not go alone. And then- when they get a little sample of what things might be like having sex with another woman (in this case) an obsession develops that nags them until they have to make it happen for real. One on one. At that point- they either like or they do NOT- and all is well- or not.

The answers about one's sexual orientation are rarely easy to find, and even less seldom- permanent. You will make a million changes between now and the day you die. THAT, I PROMISE!

The only advice that I can give you is to be very honest with yourself and with your boyfriend (within reason - you do not want to cause him to feel threatened and use your personal information to hurt you). Where you end up sexually depends on YOU. Would you be devastated to realize that you are gay?

It really seems to me that you are hoping to enjoy a relationship with your boyfriend, and have some sex with women. That will not be a good thing. A lot of people will be hurt.

You could shove your feelings and refuse to act upon them and swear that you will be hetero no matter not. Sometimes that works for people.

Also, it might help you to get more acquainted with what the life of a lesbian is actually like. Maybe that would turn you off of lesbianism. Making love with a woman can be mind blowing and something that making love with a man simply can't compete with. But- embracing the lesbian lifestyle may not be something that appeals to you. It is not easy to be hated by and ridiculed by so many people and not let it get to you. It is not easy seeing your friends reassess you and in many cases turn away from you. Hiding one's life is stressful and difficult and painful.

You could just hope it's a phase. It might be. But, to be honest with you- it would not surprise me if by the time you are 30 or so that you decide that you are a lesbian. I say this because you trying to neatly integrate it into your realm. You want balance between the two- not a decision. If you do not like what I just said- perhaps that will add more fuel to prove me wrong. lol

The important thing is- do not torture yourself and try not to become obsessed. If you do not want to be a lesbian- do not explore lesbian sex and continue to raise these desires within yourself. THAT is self torture. That's like putting a person struggling with addiction in the room with their chemical of choice.

You can look for a clergyperson, a counselor or therapist if it is within your means to do so. A person that you can go to for discussion and understanding might be very helpful.

And, of course, I am always here and happy to help you.

When I was in the age range that you are now in, I wanted so badly to be normal and not be gay. I tried so hard! But, I was so attracted to women it just hurt. I married at 18 to a Texas music legend. I did feel sexual attraction for some men, and I had great sex with some men.

However- I could not deal with the lack of intimacy, and the constant manipulation that one must deal with when in a relationship with a man. I hated being objectified, disrespected, having my feelings minimized, never being taken seriously, and having to work twice as hard as a man to make the same amount of MONEY. I hated having birth control and sexual health be MY responsibility financially and otherwise. I hated the fact that the ultimate responsibility of child rearing and the time and expense involved in accomplishing successfully guiding and caring for a child would fall upon me. I have issues about being under the control of men. I do not trust them and I refuse to participate in their world any more than I have to. And I finally decided that I could never be happy in a committed relationship to a man.

If any of that sounds like you- it might be time for professional counseling.

Do you think that if you do not taste sex with a woman that you will really miss out? Why?

Sex is only a important as you make it. If you REALLY want to be with your boyfriend forever- it is possible that you and he will be able to come to an honest way to deal with this. Role playing and fantasy might be the thing.

Please write again if you need to~
Kind regards,
Blue

My Secret Obsession Lesbian Erotica

Sunday, July 3, 2011

New Advice Question

Questioner: XXXXXXXX

Subject: Conflicted

Date Asked: 2011-07-03 11:01:54

Date Answered: today

Question:

I'm 20, bidexual female, and in a relationship with a male.
A few weeks ago, although I love my bf, I realized that I am in fact gay. It hurts to stay with him because i feel and emptyness in me that longs for the intamacy of a woman. I feel guilty for not loving him enough to want to stay with him after all we have been through, but I can't lie to myself any more. as a pastor's daughter, I tried to convince muself that I could love both genders but my heart and mind cannot be satifyed by male love. I often feel unnatural with a man and lately, with a close friend, our relationship(which turned into a full fledged lesbian relationship) feels natural and complete.
What should I do? My bf is convinced that it is a phase and i'm still conflicted and unsure of myself in whether i am gay or bi. He begs me to stay with him but I just dont know what to do. Please help me

XXXXXXXX

Answer:

XXXXXXXX,

It sounds like you are having a pretty tough time. I sympathize with you.
First- do not beat yourself up for not 'loving your b/f enough to stay with him'. It would be far worse for both of you were you to stay with your b/f when you clearly are not in love with him. If you WERE actually in love with him- no one would be able to lure you away from him- be it man or woman.
Now might be a good point for you to spend some time away from him in order to sort things out. It is difficult to be true to yourself when you have people manipulating you for their own purposes.
Coming out to yourself is often as difficult as it is to come out to others. You have a lifetime to spend with yourself- and your feelings are the most important of all right now. You must be completely honest with yourself and decide what truly makes you happy.
Can you honestly say that it would be O.K. with you if you were never with a man intimately or sexually ever again? Can you imagine dating only women for the rest of your life, and even possibly making a lifetime commitment to a woman? If you were to break up with the woman you are currently seeing- do you think your next pursuit would be a woman?
Most people change somewhat with years and experience to varying degrees, and it is possible that you are going through a phase, but from the way you describe your feelings I would feel inclined to believe that you are a lesbian. The important thing is for you to decide what makes you happy at this point in your life.
You may decide that you do not want to commit either way at this point. If you are not sure about your feelings for either of them- then as long as you are not living with either of them, and are not leading anyone on, and are not giving anyone false hope- then that's O.K., too. You should do what you need to do to be happy.
If you decide to break up with your b/f be careful and gentle. It is not necessary for him to know all of your feelings, and it is not necessary for him to know all of your business. You can leave out all of the details because if you are not committed to him it is none of his business and the facts may hurt him and he in return may decide to hurt YOU. Do not tell him anything that would incite him to hurt you or ruin your life and do not give him or anyone else facts that they can use against you.
I am telling you this because over the years I have had people that I thought were my friends and loved ones use my sexual orientation against me in ways that have affected my life and employment in profound ways.
I hope that I have answered your question to your satisfaction, however, please write again if I missed something.

Kind regards,
Blue
Allexperts.com

My Secret Obsession Lesbian Erotica

Friday, June 24, 2011

New Q / A at AllExperts.com

Hi Blue

I have recently come out as a lesbian at 27 after 11 yrs of denial. Now I have never had an orgasm with women as I have not been with many and I was wondering, if a woman does not orgasm during non penetrative contact is it still sex? I know it sounds silly but I am new to all this and I have no-one to ask. I know penetration is classified as sex but if it's just oral I was kind of confused.
I love your name and your stories!

Questioner,

I hope that you are having an easy time being out and proud. It can be quite an adjustment.

You asked: "if a woman does not orgasm during non penetrative contact is it still sex?"

The answer is: you are still having sex. For example- If you are rubbing pelvises together WITH YOUR JEANS ON - not even touching each other and getting excited and aroused - it's still having sex. And certainly if you are having oral stimulation administered to you, or you are administering- you are having sex whether anyone achieves orgasm or not.

You do not sound silly at all. You are asking intelligent questions. And my answer is - any time you are engaging in intimate activity that is causing sexual stimulation- it is sex.

Thank you for liking my stories! And, write again if you need to!

Love and hugs and xoxox!
Blue

Thursday, June 16, 2011

New 'AllExperts' Q/A!

Dear Blue,

I am not sure if I am lesbian, but I have developed very strong feelings for my good friend and I don't know if it is just her that I love, or if I am indeed lesbian.  So, I have sort of tried experimenting a bit.  I have two questions that are sort of unrelated:
I was reading a few of your other posts and I saw that you suggested knowing yourself and finding what feels good to you to help pleasure someone else and so on.  I also saw erotica on your website and began experimenting.  I have done this many times before, I will watch erotica and begin to experiment and only a minute or two in I get this great feeling, my legs shake a bit and I get all tingly and then all of a sudden my clit gets too sensitive to touch and nothing is pleasurable any more.  I can't enjoy more than a minute or two and it becomes a big turn off.  What is happening and do you have any suggestions?
My other question is, while I was watching the erotica, one woman was wearing a strap on dildo.  I will start off by saying I personally find oral sex to be disgusting, no way about, and so I was not turned on by that part of the movie.  I was most turned on by the penetration of the dildo.  Does this make me not lesbian and mean that I would prefer regular sex with a man?
Thanks,
Stacey


Questioner,
I could get more insight if I knew your age, relationship history, and understood what your experiences with men (if any) have been like.
It would also be helpful to know about your experiences with climax. Because the description of the feeling that you get when you experiment sounds like an orgasm. Perhaps just not a very lengthy or intense one. Have you been able to reach climax throughout your sexual maturity?
1st part of your question:
Most women experience clitoral ultra sensitivity after reaching climax.
It is also possible that your clit becomes ultra sensitive as your arousal increases and your clit becomes engorged and a change of technique could help you.
I suggest that you experience a little more experimental time with yourself. As you watch your stimulus (movie, or pics, or whatever you choose) do not immediately begin to directly touch yourself. When you start to become aroused, touch your breasts first, then caress your abdomen, but be slower to stimulate your clit directly.
Try keeping your panties, or even jeans ON at first, and then kind of 'patting' your clitoris. As you try it- you will see what I mean. After you stimulate your clit in this less direct way, you can increase pressure until you feel that it is time for more direct stimulation and remove the barrier of your clothing. At that point, you might try using a lot of lubrication once you have your fingers in direct contact with your clitoris, and keeping your touch softer and off to the side. Also experiment with a light circular motion at different speeds and different areas on your clit- but always lubricated.
2nd part:
MANY lesbians enjoy strap on sex. I am a BIG fan of it, myself, and I am definitely a lesbian.  For you in particular I can't answer this part of your question very well until I know a little more about you. It is entirely possible that you are not a lesbian. You could possibly be sharing intimacy without being a lesbian at all.
>> Does this make me not lesbian and mean that I would prefer regular sex with a man?<<
Just the fact that you watched a movie and were turned on by lesbian strap on sex does not make you a lesbian.

Pornography has one purpose: to sexually stimulate you. It doesn't matter what niche within the  porn lies- if it is doing it's job- it will arouse you. But- that does not doom you to freakdom, or lesbianism because you would pretty much have to be dead in order to NOT experience sexual excitement when watching ANY type of porn. Even porn of subject matter towards which you do not find yourself normally drawn.
It COULD be that you are gay. But- maybe not. If you know for a fact that you are in love with a woman and want to spend the rest of your life with her- you are very likely a lesbian. Being a lesbian is far more than sex. It is a lifestyle and a 'mindset'. If you are just in it for the sex, and can't picture yourself spending the rest of your life with the woman that you love, you might just be sexually adventurous or maybe bisexual and not really a lesbian.
Only time and experience will tell.
Regards,
Blue Sleighty

Saturday, May 28, 2011

New Question

Hi,

I have developed feelings for my same-sex friend and have started to explore the possibility of being lesbian.  I  am just wondering, I understand the non-sexual side of a lesbian relationship and I feel like I would be satisfied spending my life with another woman even if the relationship remained somewhat unsexual.  However, I also feel that when you are in love with someone there is going to be a sexual side to the relationship, so what kind of sex life do lesbians have?  I have seen some things on the internet and it seems to be a little played up for the enjoyment of others and there is obviously no connection between the two women.  I must admit that I have sort of been influenced by the stereotypes that lesbian and gay relationships have somewhat flamboyant sex.

Questioner,

If it turns out that you are a lesbian, and you love the person that you are with AND your relationship includes sex- you can expect extraordinary sex. When you love and trust someone and you have sex with them- sex is usually very good.

Really and truly we are our own enemies when it comes to good or bad sex. Sex is a very personal and sensitive subject which is RIFE with psychological and physiological toxins that can make enjoyment of sex very difficult. Some of us can't enjoy it at all and some of us have a wet blanket which smothers half of our enjoyment potential called insecurity.

You are correct. Pretty much all lesbian porn videos and 90% of lesbian movies do not portray lesbian sex in a natural or accurate light. If you would like to see a movie that is a good portrayal of the passion of lesbian sex- please watch "Desert Hearts", "Loving Annabelle" or any episode of "The L Word". Sex is what we make of it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Also- just because you have sex with a woman- it doesn't make you a lesbian. You seem to know that by what you wrote, but just reinforcing that thought.

Write back if you need more! I wish you great happiness!

Blue Sleighty

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

WHO LET THE FROGS OUT???

WHO LET THE FROGS OUT???
A British photographer has spawned a dazzling collection of photos capturing her favourite creature - the humble frog. 
Photographer and reptile enthusiast Angi Nelson began taking pictures of frogs from her own collection after a diagnosis with the debilitating disease ME left her housebound. 


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1385501/Tiny-frogs-photographed-Angi-Nelson-dazzle-display-colour.html#ixzz1M10e2nW4

New Q/A @ AllExperts.com

My most recent question on AllExperts.com was from a young lesbian seeking advice about oral sex.
Blue Sleighty at AllExperts.com .

Monday, February 7, 2011

Welcome to My New Blog

Hello! I am Blue Sleighty, creator of My Secret Obsession, highly rated AllExperts.com lesbian erotica expert for over 3 years, author of 2 collections of short stories and 3 novellas and partnered in many collaborative efforts as editing and creative support and co-author for such writers as Jaguilera (Teeth Bite: The Mesteno Vein and many short stories), Sage Sweetwater, author and screen writer and CEO of BlueSage Productions (Dominga Rio of Cuero, Night of the Foal, From the Convent to the Rawhide: The Saga of Sadie Cade and Vi Montana and many others), and the Mysterious Jade, author of Secretly Bound and creatively partnered with Jamie Nova singer / musician / songwriter / artist (Witchburn and others) and Xaviera Hollander (author of 'The Happy Hooker' and producer of many important books, videos and live events).

I will be posting entries discussing many things, and I invite questions on any topic. I will be happy to give advice, as well as discuss.

It is also OK to have private correspondence if necessary. Feel free to send private messages.