Thursday, June 16, 2011

New 'AllExperts' Q/A!

Dear Blue,

I am not sure if I am lesbian, but I have developed very strong feelings for my good friend and I don't know if it is just her that I love, or if I am indeed lesbian.  So, I have sort of tried experimenting a bit.  I have two questions that are sort of unrelated:
I was reading a few of your other posts and I saw that you suggested knowing yourself and finding what feels good to you to help pleasure someone else and so on.  I also saw erotica on your website and began experimenting.  I have done this many times before, I will watch erotica and begin to experiment and only a minute or two in I get this great feeling, my legs shake a bit and I get all tingly and then all of a sudden my clit gets too sensitive to touch and nothing is pleasurable any more.  I can't enjoy more than a minute or two and it becomes a big turn off.  What is happening and do you have any suggestions?
My other question is, while I was watching the erotica, one woman was wearing a strap on dildo.  I will start off by saying I personally find oral sex to be disgusting, no way about, and so I was not turned on by that part of the movie.  I was most turned on by the penetration of the dildo.  Does this make me not lesbian and mean that I would prefer regular sex with a man?

I could get more insight if I knew your age, relationship history, and understood what your experiences with men (if any) have been like.
It would also be helpful to know about your experiences with climax. Because the description of the feeling that you get when you experiment sounds like an orgasm. Perhaps just not a very lengthy or intense one. Have you been able to reach climax throughout your sexual maturity?
1st part of your question:
Most women experience clitoral ultra sensitivity after reaching climax.
It is also possible that your clit becomes ultra sensitive as your arousal increases and your clit becomes engorged and a change of technique could help you.
I suggest that you experience a little more experimental time with yourself. As you watch your stimulus (movie, or pics, or whatever you choose) do not immediately begin to directly touch yourself. When you start to become aroused, touch your breasts first, then caress your abdomen, but be slower to stimulate your clit directly.
Try keeping your panties, or even jeans ON at first, and then kind of 'patting' your clitoris. As you try it- you will see what I mean. After you stimulate your clit in this less direct way, you can increase pressure until you feel that it is time for more direct stimulation and remove the barrier of your clothing. At that point, you might try using a lot of lubrication once you have your fingers in direct contact with your clitoris, and keeping your touch softer and off to the side. Also experiment with a light circular motion at different speeds and different areas on your clit- but always lubricated.
2nd part:
MANY lesbians enjoy strap on sex. I am a BIG fan of it, myself, and I am definitely a lesbian.  For you in particular I can't answer this part of your question very well until I know a little more about you. It is entirely possible that you are not a lesbian. You could possibly be sharing intimacy without being a lesbian at all.
>> Does this make me not lesbian and mean that I would prefer regular sex with a man?<<
Just the fact that you watched a movie and were turned on by lesbian strap on sex does not make you a lesbian.

Pornography has one purpose: to sexually stimulate you. It doesn't matter what niche within the  porn lies- if it is doing it's job- it will arouse you. But- that does not doom you to freakdom, or lesbianism because you would pretty much have to be dead in order to NOT experience sexual excitement when watching ANY type of porn. Even porn of subject matter towards which you do not find yourself normally drawn.
It COULD be that you are gay. But- maybe not. If you know for a fact that you are in love with a woman and want to spend the rest of your life with her- you are very likely a lesbian. Being a lesbian is far more than sex. It is a lifestyle and a 'mindset'. If you are just in it for the sex, and can't picture yourself spending the rest of your life with the woman that you love, you might just be sexually adventurous or maybe bisexual and not really a lesbian.
Only time and experience will tell.
Blue Sleighty

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